Did You Feel It?

Grief is a powerfully debilitating emotion to wrestle with. This past weekend was a tremendous day of celebration at Beulah UMC…it was Pentecost and Confirmation rolled into one service (and shouldn’t we all confirm our faith on Pentecost?), but I had the blah’s. On Saturday I had been feeling poorly and on Sunday morning I still felt puny, but as I was having prayer prior to the service it came to mind that Monday was our daughter’s Hannah’s birthday. Now that sounds innocent enough, but that means it was also our daughter Emily’s birthday. She would have been 27, but we lost her just over four years ago. Now, I can usually contain my grief to specific days like her birthday and not the day before or after, but Sunday morning I didn’t give a rip about church or about worship. I could have easily cancelled church, that is until the service began. I am convinced the presence of the Holy Spirit (or at least our awareness of the Spirit’s presence) is directly proportional to our need and receptiveness. I was in tremendous need Sunday morning and looking back, most receptive. God spoke to me as the praise team opened the service, assuring me that I could and would lead worship, not because it was my job or because I had baptisms to perform…but because I needed to seek His face and He would give me the strength and desire to do so. And guess what, He did. I probably need to apologize for the sermon and other ramblings during the service, but as worship progressed God continued to speak and to affirm…it might have been only to me and sensed only by me, but the Spirit was moving like a mighty rushing wind.